1st Love Podcast - The Third Strand

[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign. [00:00:08] Speaker B: How's it going? [00:00:09] Speaker A: Good. How are you? [00:00:10] Speaker B: I'm good. How are you? [00:00:13] Speaker A: Good. [00:00:14] Speaker B: We're back again. [00:00:14] Speaker A: We're back again. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Episode three. Yes. Third episode. We should introduce ourselves. [00:00:21] Speaker A: Introduce ourselves. Yes. [00:00:22] Speaker B: Hello, guys. My name is Levi and Vanya and. And welcome to First Love Podcast. Thanks for tuning in, guys. And we hope that this episode really. Bless you. We're going to be talking about the third strand. [00:00:39] Speaker A: The third strand? Yeah. [00:00:41] Speaker B: In a three strand chord relationship. But before we get into that, how are you? [00:00:49] Speaker A: I've been good. [00:00:49] Speaker B: It's been a while since we recorded our podcast. So what's been happening? [00:00:55] Speaker A: Oh, I cut my hair, guys. [00:00:57] Speaker B: Yeah, you look nice. [00:00:57] Speaker A: Hair is a lot shorter. [00:00:59] Speaker B: Very beautiful. [00:01:00] Speaker A: Thank you. It was because I had surgery and then. [00:01:04] Speaker B: And then you were resting. [00:01:05] Speaker A: I was resting. I was in bed for too long and my warm hair was getting in the way. So I'm like, you got. I'm just gonna cut it and I did. [00:01:11] Speaker B: You got bored? [00:01:12] Speaker A: Yeah, kinda. It's more the convenience. [00:01:15] Speaker B: But it looks nice on you. [00:01:16] Speaker A: Thank you. [00:01:16] Speaker B: Look very beautiful. [00:01:18] Speaker A: My hair. Yeah, but I think it's a little bit crooked, but I'll. I'll go to the hairdressers. It's fun to me, but. Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. I love you. What about you? [00:01:34] Speaker B: Nothing much. We just finished our semester. [00:01:38] Speaker A: One of uni the Lord. [00:01:40] Speaker B: So we've been studying guys as well. Same one's done. [00:01:44] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:01:45] Speaker B: Which is really. We pass. Praise the Lord. [00:01:48] Speaker A: With flying colors. We did. [00:01:50] Speaker B: With flying colors. [00:01:51] Speaker A: Yeah, you did. [00:01:53] Speaker B: For you. Flying colors. I don't know. For me? I don't know. I think I just got like a. [00:01:58] Speaker A: No, it's a vine. [00:01:59] Speaker B: Like a C or. I think I'm 1% shy away from a distinction, but. [00:02:05] Speaker A: Oh, that's okay. [00:02:06] Speaker B: That's okay. That's all right. Hey, please get the degrees. They say so. So. [00:02:11] Speaker A: Not in an Asian household. [00:02:13] Speaker B: Not in an Asian household. That's true. So semester one is just done. Thank you, Lord. [00:02:19] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:20] Speaker B: You just had your surgery. [00:02:22] Speaker A: I did. [00:02:23] Speaker B: Gallbladder. [00:02:24] Speaker A: Yes. [00:02:25] Speaker B: Removal. [00:02:26] Speaker A: Yep. It was really painful, but praise the Lord. Done. I'm recovered well. [00:02:31] Speaker B: Yep. Yep. We. And we just had our break as well. We had our yearly break, so we went out to. We went out to Portsea, guys. Stayed there overnight, played some golf. [00:02:43] Speaker A: That was nice. [00:02:44] Speaker B: Great scenery. And then we did some hot springs while we were there at Mornington. Peninsula. [00:02:50] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:51] Speaker B: Yeah. Peninsula. Yeah. Is that the way to say it? [00:02:54] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:02:54] Speaker B: Okay, Good. And so. Yeah. And so now we're here. [00:02:59] Speaker A: Yeah. It was a really good break. So we Needed middle of the year, just before the second half of the year start. Starts. Yeah, you kind of needed to reset, recalibrate spiritually, emotionally, physically and everything. And we got to connect. [00:03:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:03:15] Speaker A: And we got to spend quality time with the kids. Just before the school holidays, we did Star wars and Star Wars. We went to the museum. They had this Star wars event. [00:03:24] Speaker B: Lego Star Wars. [00:03:25] Speaker A: Lego Star Wars. Which was incredible. You guys should check it out. And that was really fun. [00:03:31] Speaker B: Awesome. [00:03:32] Speaker A: It was great. [00:03:32] Speaker B: All right, so shall we get into it? [00:03:34] Speaker A: Let's get into it. [00:03:35] Speaker B: Okay. So for this episode, guys, we were thinking, okay, what can we talk about while we're praying and brainstorming? What can we talk about for our third episode? In case you guys haven't noticed yet, our titles have been linked to the episode. So, for example, our first episode was called Love at First. First episode, which talked about our kind of like how we met because it was love at first sight. And then the second episode was talking about Second chances, which is the second episode. And we talked about how God's grace, God's forgiveness, God's mercy over Vanya's life and her journey. And so for this episode, we want to talk about the third strand in a three strand cord. And it actually comes from Ecclesiastes 4:12. It says this. Though one may be overpowered, okay, two can defend themselves, but a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. And so, you know this scripture here, Bob. It actually gets quoted a lot in weddings, in marriage ceremonies and things like that, because the two strands represent the husband and the wife, but the third strand actually represents God. [00:04:57] Speaker A: Right. [00:04:58] Speaker B: Represents Jesus. And so for this episode, we actually brainstorm and we just want to share with you guys three things. Three things. Three things. Besides keeping God in the center of your relationship. [00:05:16] Speaker A: Very important. [00:05:17] Speaker B: That's very important. That's foundational. But three things, that's kind of like helped us in our relationship. Ten years. Ten years together, nine years married. And so I'm gonna start with the first one. [00:05:31] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. [00:05:33] Speaker B: So, yeah, you got. Yeah, there is so many things. [00:05:35] Speaker A: So many things. [00:05:36] Speaker B: These are just the top three. Top three, I would say. [00:05:39] Speaker A: Yeah, kind of. But they kind of COVID every. Almost every aspect of it somewhat. [00:05:45] Speaker B: There's, There's. So we can give you 10. We can give you 15 things. But because it's episode three, we'll just give you three. We'll give you three. We might chuck in the fourth one there. We'll see. [00:06:00] Speaker A: That's why it's three. [00:06:01] Speaker B: Okay, okay, three, three, three, three, Three. Okay. The first one, that really was massive for us. And you know. And then feel free to speak into this. Bob is speaking life to each other. [00:06:17] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:18] Speaker B: And Proverbs, chapter 18, verse 21, says this. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. And I actually wrote down here, your words have the power to build up or to tear down. Your words have the power to bless or to curse, to heal or to wound. [00:06:40] Speaker A: Wow. [00:06:40] Speaker B: What's your thoughts? [00:06:41] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:06:42] Speaker B: Speaking love to one another. [00:06:43] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. Very good. Because it's not so much about love language because sometimes people say, oh, I'm not really a words, kind of. My love language is not words and such. [00:06:57] Speaker B: Affirmation. [00:06:58] Speaker A: Yeah. Words of affirmation. [00:06:59] Speaker B: We will speak about love language because that is very important as well. [00:07:02] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. But this is like, you know, just because it's not your love language doesn't mean you don't do it. Do it. [00:07:09] Speaker B: Yes. [00:07:09] Speaker A: It's like, it has to be a prerequisite. You have to speak life to one another. [00:07:14] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:07:14] Speaker A: You have to encourage one another, build each other up, especially. Especially when things are tough, when your spouse is, like, down and out or discouraged. And I remember one time you were really down, you were, like, really upset about something, and I thought I was doing the right thing. And, you know, I'm not really a words of affirmation person, so I was more of a give advice, unsolicited advice. [00:07:42] Speaker B: So we all do that from time to time. [00:07:45] Speaker A: Yeah. Yes. So I. Instead of, like, really listening and just encouraging you myself, or maybe you should do this or, you know, you could do this and say, or maybe feel that way or, you know, next time do this. And, you know, it really. And I thought I was doing the right thing, but you told me that's not really what I need right now. And it kind of like, whoa. I was shocked. And I was. First I was mad because I was like, I'm trying to help you here. And then. [00:08:12] Speaker B: When was this? I'm trying to remember. Like, ages ago. Like, first year, second year. [00:08:19] Speaker A: No, no, last year. Last year. When, you know, happened at work. And then you were like, oh, man. And then. [00:08:26] Speaker B: Anyways, keep going. [00:08:27] Speaker A: Anyways, so I'll remember it. I remembered it vividly because I learned from it. [00:08:33] Speaker B: Yeah, right. [00:08:34] Speaker A: And then I felt, God, say, hey, you know, just listen and then encourage. You know, the guy doesn't need your advice right now. He just needs to be heard. And a lot of times in relationships, you know, we just need to make a space to Be heard. [00:08:58] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:08:59] Speaker A: You know, make that space. Maybe, like, give a disclaimer, say, hey, I just want to vent. So, you know, and then the other person can say, do you give me permission to give advice or do you want me to just listen? I think there was, like, a meme about it, too. Or, like, I saw it on Instagram. But anyways, yeah, definitely words of affirmation. So in that time, it gave me an eye opener, and I realized that, you know, in the toughest times, you just need to listen to them and then encourage them. Remind them of their worth, remind them that they are valued. [00:09:40] Speaker B: Yep. [00:09:40] Speaker A: You don't. Let's say you don't kind of feed their ego. It's not about that. No, it's not feeding your ego. It's just you needed to be reminded of who you were, who you are. And that's what words of affirmation are. Like, you're not like, oh, my gosh, you're so great. No, like, hey, babe, you're actually doing such a great job. You're hardworking. You know, things like this happen, but it doesn't change the fact that you've put in so much into this. And not a lot of people may see that, but we see it. God sees it. Yeah. And you know that you did your best. Things like that, that's words of affirmation. It really comes genuinely. It's not to just make someone feel good about themselves, but it's coming from the heart. It really is from, you know, that. That relationship that you have with each other, it's founded there. You know what I mean? [00:10:32] Speaker B: Yeah. Now, that's really good. Speaking life is so important. I don't know about you, but when you speak life to me, all of a sudden I'm six foot six. You know, I'm so tall all of a sudden. [00:10:44] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. It really gives you that confidence. [00:10:46] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, yeah. All of a sudden, you're. You're taller. You feel taller, you feel stronger. You're reminded of who you are. Not in an arrogant way, but more of like, hey, remember who you are in your identity, in Christ. And it's like, okay. Oh, yes, that's right. You know, I actually carry this. You know what I mean? [00:11:11] Speaker A: I love what you do with the voice. Every morning, you say, you are my son, I love you, and I'm proud of you. [00:11:17] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah. [00:11:18] Speaker A: You give them. Give them these words of affirmation because this. This. [00:11:22] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:11:22] Speaker A: Doesn't just apply to couples. It applies to your family. Family, parenting, yet your kids, to your workmates. You know, at church, wherever you are, you give those words of affirmation to remind the other person that their value is not necessarily what they do, but, you know, their value is in who they are. And. [00:11:43] Speaker B: And they're doing things from a place of approval, not for approval. [00:11:48] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:11:48] Speaker B: You know, and so even with that, like, side note, even with the kids, when I drop them off at school and I say, boys, you're my son, I love you, and I'm proud of you. They go to school knowing the fact that dad already loves them, dad already is proud of them, and that they know that they're a son. They're operating from a place of sonship. [00:12:11] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:12:13] Speaker B: So. And that comes from. And I got that from when Jesus got baptized, where the father says to the, says from the clouds, this is my beloved son, who I am well pleased. In other words, this is my son. I love you and I'm proud of you. But, yeah, for me, like, you know, when you speak life. Yeah. Life comes out. When you speak life, life comes out. And I just want to encourage guys, husbands, speak wife to your wife. [00:12:45] Speaker A: You said speak wife to your wife. [00:12:47] Speaker B: Sorry. Speak life to your wife. Okay. Speak life to your wife. It will make a difference in your marriage. It will make a massive difference in your home, in your family, and in your sphere of influence. Did you want to add anything else? [00:13:06] Speaker A: No, because it's the same for women. Because for me, I can be critical, and I admit to that. I can be harsh with my words. Growing up, you kind of criticize yourself, so you kind of end up dumping that on others because you haven't healed. But I have healed. And then still in the process of healing. So. [00:13:28] Speaker B: A journey. [00:13:28] Speaker A: It's a journey. Episode 1 yeah, but, you know, you. You kind of, for me, the way, the way I do it, if I notice something that it's not up to my standard or, you know, just not in a way that's like, oh, maybe not, but I kind of pause and say, okay, calm down before you react. Respond lovingly. And the best way to respond is when you're calm and collected. Even though the situation can be overwhelming, you just pause it. You know that one minute pause, one second pause. Oh, makes a world's difference. Because you're like that. Yes. [00:14:05] Speaker B: Big, big breath as well. [00:14:07] Speaker A: Yes. Things that you, you. You can avoid. You can actually avoid. So a conversation does not have to be an argument or you don't have to, like, blow up when you just have that one minute pause. So for me, like, as a wife and as A mum. And I learned through the years, I just need to stop and breathe and say hey. And say it lovingly and say positively, hey, babe, like, instead of leaving this here, why don't you just put it there? [00:14:36] Speaker B: Yeah, and we'll get to that later on. But we're talking about speaking life at the moment. So what does speaking life look like? You know, if speaking life can look like Encouraging one another, cheering one another on, reminding each other of what they're capable of, you know, just championing that person. Speaking life. Is there anything else you want to close off? [00:15:01] Speaker A: No, that's it. [00:15:02] Speaker B: So, again, I just want to encourage guys and ladies, but to the men, because this one rhymes, speak life to your wife, okay? And the wife say Amen. Amen. Second one. [00:15:18] Speaker A: Second one. [00:15:19] Speaker B: Plan your dates. Plan your dates. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says this, for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven. And so for me, in Vanya, this is something that we've recently discovered, right? Because we used to have, like, a lot of misunderstanding when we mentioned dates, but now we actually not label it, but really put language behind what type of date we're going on to. So there's kind of. There's three types of dates that me and Vanya go on. There's a fun date, which is, you know, the purpose of a fun date is to stay connected, to keep the flame alive, to love one another, to create memories, to bond. And Proverbs 17:22 says, A joyful heart is a good medicine. So we go out on dates where it's just fun and it's just going to bring life, it's going to bring joy, because Proverbs tells us that it's a good medicine. Okay? And so fun date is things like going out for dinner, playing golf. Maybe for her, definitely for me. No, she loves playing golf as well. She loves driving the cart, watch movies. What else? [00:16:41] Speaker A: No, just chill. Really. Go out for walks. [00:16:44] Speaker B: Go for walks. [00:16:45] Speaker A: Like, what else is a fun date that we did? No, just dinner. Our fun dates are really dinner. We love to eat out. [00:16:54] Speaker B: We love to eat out. [00:16:55] Speaker A: We love to go shopping. Sometimes. [00:17:00] Speaker B: It can be anything as long as the purpose is to enjoy one another. The other date that we do is called a fact date, where the purpose of this is building our dreams. We're planning and we're envisioning our dreams. We're planning the vision, we're writing things down on paper, we're setting budgets, we're putting costs and things like that. Habakkuk 2, 2 says, write the vision and make it plain on tablets. Proverbs 24:3,4, says, by wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established. And then the last one, Ecclesiastes 4, 9, 2 are better than 1 because they have a good reward for their toil. So the fact that we still go out for, like, we'll still go out, buy a drink or maybe, like, a light meal, but then the conversation is very intentional. Okay. What the budget looks like. Okay. What do we need to do in the next six months? What has God been saying to you? What's the vision? What are we planning for next year? Da, da, da, da, da. So that's fact date. The third date that me and Vanya go on to is the family date. And that's really about creating memories with the kids. And Joshua 24:15 says, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. And Psalm 127, verse 3 to 5, says, Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord. Blessed is the man who feels his quiver with them. And so, you know, we just really want to make the most of the kids while they're still young and they want to. While they want to hang out with us. [00:18:41] Speaker A: I'm sure they're gonna want to hang out. [00:18:42] Speaker B: Yes, I pray that. Yeah. But, you know, that's just about creating memories. For example, on the weekend we went to Star wars and Legos. So that's a family date. That was specifically a family date. And so. Yeah. So those are the three dates that we do. Do you want to speak into those? [00:19:00] Speaker A: Yeah, it's really good because for me as a person, I like to compartmentalize things. [00:19:05] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:06] Speaker A: I like to set aside, you know, everything has to be in order. And, you know, if we're going on a date, my idea of date is just. Just purely fun. Like, really just catching up and. Yeah. Just seeing how we are. [00:19:24] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:24] Speaker A: And just really having fun. [00:19:26] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:26] Speaker A: Basically fun. I don't want to think too hard. [00:19:28] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:29] Speaker A: We're not thinking about work, talk about anything too serious. Unless, you know, we're talking about, like, our emotions and whatever, how we're feeling, or sometimes we just need to vent that. I need that space. And so if we start talking about, like, oh, we've got to budget this. We got to do that on a fun date. Yeah. On a fun day. I'm like, wait, what's going on? [00:19:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:19:51] Speaker A: So it's good to kind of, like, have those languages. Yeah. Have the language and have that category in a sense. [00:19:59] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:00] Speaker A: So fun date is just really? That and then with fact dates. Because, you know, we need to plan our lives. We need to. [00:20:06] Speaker B: We're adulting. [00:20:07] Speaker A: Yeah, you need to be an adult. Dang. Yeah, dang. [00:20:12] Speaker B: There's bills to be paid. [00:20:13] Speaker A: There's bills to be paid. You've got appointments to go to. You've got all these things and, you know, you've got your dreams and plans, so you really need to set aside time and, you know, and these planning meetings can be very Meeting. [00:20:30] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:20:31] Speaker A: So to turn it into kind of a date gives us that element of fun still. [00:20:35] Speaker B: Yeah, like that's what. We still have drinks and stuff like that. [00:20:38] Speaker A: Yeah. So like. Like non alcoholic drinks. [00:20:41] Speaker B: No, no, no. [00:20:43] Speaker A: Just FYI. [00:20:45] Speaker B: Although Vanya does love her wine though. [00:20:47] Speaker A: Oh, once in a while. Yeah. With a steak. It's really nice. Red wine, anywho. Or sparkling. Yeah. We can have like a dessert. We can go to pancake Pallor or something and chat. And then we'll have the iPad and get the book notes out, write things down. It really gets you going, gets you motivated and you're really focused. [00:21:09] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:10] Speaker A: So when we have those moments, we have that space to really be serious. Yeah, we have that space. [00:21:15] Speaker B: Correct. [00:21:16] Speaker A: And then you have a space to be silly. [00:21:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:18] Speaker A: You know, that's like the fun. And then the third one is family. So important. [00:21:22] Speaker B: So important. [00:21:23] Speaker A: Very, very important. Like it's not just one, you know, we always take the kids out, always have fun with that. But this family date, they're the intentional ones, maybe the big ones that you kind of save up for like, I don't know, movies or like museums or. [00:21:39] Speaker B: And just building core memories with the kids. [00:21:42] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's another one? The arcade. They love going to the arcade. Or we go, like we save up and then we get them new toys and stuff. [00:21:51] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:21:51] Speaker A: I love their Lego sets and everything. Yeah, those things. So it's really important to have this every month. Every month you have these things. Because life, you know, it's so busy. [00:22:04] Speaker B: It'S so stacked and so it's so important to plan your dates. Yeah, it's one of the things, key things that we do in our marriage, in our relationship is really plan our dates. [00:22:15] Speaker A: It's good to be spontaneous, but it's also just as great to. To plan. Yeah, to be ready. Yeah, so that. [00:22:22] Speaker B: Because then now you know your boundaries. [00:22:24] Speaker A: Yeah, that's right. You can save up for us. So we allocate finances to our dates. That way, you know, we're ready. We have those money really set aside. [00:22:36] Speaker B: For these special Times, other things that we plan for as well is Sabbath. [00:22:42] Speaker A: Yeah. Very important. [00:22:43] Speaker B: Do you want to speak on that? [00:22:45] Speaker A: Sabbath is really just a time to rest. So for all your hard working parents out there on your Saturday, it's like, we think that it's the time. Obviously if your kids have basketball or like any sports, that's your morning gone. [00:23:01] Speaker B: But still, you can still rest after that. [00:23:03] Speaker A: Yeah, but you know, a lot of us, like back then, for me, when I was first a mom, when I first became a mum, on Saturdays I actually, yeah, like all week I would be cleaning, but then on Saturday I'll be cleaning again and just doing all these things. But if you're working 9 to 5, Monday to Friday, that would be groceries, you know, stacking up on things, getting the car fixed, cleaning and all this, pretty much catching up on chores. So. And Sundays, for those who go to church, you go to church and then that's your afternoon maybe doing extra things or maybe you're doing all these things. Where's your time to rest? Yeah, God is saying, you know, make one on the seventh day he rested. [00:23:48] Speaker B: So for us it's a commandment. [00:23:49] Speaker A: That's right. It's also in the ten Commandments. So it's not really just like, oh, you got to follow the rules. It's not that. It's really God saying, bro, you need to rest. [00:23:59] Speaker B: Yeah, resting with purpose. Not just lounging around, going on on your phone the whole day. [00:24:06] Speaker A: No, no, no, no. [00:24:07] Speaker B: But actually resting in his presence. Yeah, I wrote down here, babe, purposely. [00:24:11] Speaker A: Pursue his presence and just really doing things that you enjoy without really life giving. That's it. Life giving. I think that is the theme. It really is to give life. So because six days, seven, like six days during a week, it's. You're giving up, giving up, giving up. But if you have that one day to be filled, one day to rest, one day to not worry about chores, not worry about work, not worry about anything. You just feel so refreshed and ready to take on another week. And that's. Yeah, that's right. It's your time to connect with God, connect with your family, connect with your spouse, with your friends. Yeah, yeah, that, that Sabbath is not necessarily like doing rituals and stuff like some other stir, no disrespect to other religion or anything, but for us, for me and you, from what we learned and what worked for us, is really having that time to rest. Rest is so important. Otherwise we're gonna burn out and that's the last thing that we want. [00:25:20] Speaker B: And then that's never on God's heart to burn. [00:25:23] Speaker A: No, it's gonna. [00:25:23] Speaker B: Whether it's work, whether it's on marriage, relationship, work, family, or even if you're. [00:25:29] Speaker A: A stay at home parent, mom or dad, you still need that one day to rest. You just. I lost my train of thought. Oh, my gosh. [00:25:40] Speaker B: Rest. Even as a parrot, you need that time to rest. [00:25:43] Speaker A: Wait, wait, wait. It's actually really good. [00:25:46] Speaker B: She was cooking. [00:25:47] Speaker A: I know. And then you interrupted. [00:25:50] Speaker B: So what was it? [00:25:51] Speaker A: I don't know. I have to go back 10 seconds. [00:25:57] Speaker B: You were saying as a parent, even as a parent, no, you rest. It's so important to rest. Even as a parent, that's gone. [00:26:09] Speaker A: It's gone. [00:26:11] Speaker B: If you're a full time parent. [00:26:14] Speaker A: I can't. I can't remember. That's it. Good. [00:26:18] Speaker B: Rest. Just rest. Yeah. And again, going back, and we want to stress this, it's not just resting. Lounging on a sofa, scrolling through Facebook, scrolling through Instagram, scrolling through YouTube, but you know, doing your devotions while you rest, resting, pursuing his presence, resting in his presence and just being God conscious throughout the whole day. It's like you're spending time with God throughout the whole day. Has it come back? [00:26:48] Speaker A: No, it's gone. That's it. [00:26:49] Speaker B: It'll come back. It'll come back. [00:26:51] Speaker A: I'll forever hold my peace. [00:26:52] Speaker B: It'll come back. Another, another, another. Another thing that we actually put aside as well, Baba, is Marriage Mondays. [00:27:01] Speaker A: I think we talked about this. Have we? [00:27:03] Speaker B: No. [00:27:03] Speaker A: Maybe we talked about it with someone else. [00:27:05] Speaker B: Oh, we talked about it with someone else. [00:27:07] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah. [00:27:07] Speaker B: But not on the pod. Marriage Mondays. Marriage Mondays for me, for someone with my type of job, working in ministry, I'm always seeing other people throughout the week, but the first person I see is always my wife. [00:27:25] Speaker A: Right, okay. [00:27:27] Speaker B: And yes. And Marriage Mondays can be a fun day. Most of the time we're just hanging out, we're doing this. We're couch time. Marriage Mondays for me is really just putting that boundary where even if work calls or there's a message about work or anything relating about work or anything else, it can wait till Tuesday. Because right now my attention is my wife. My attention, my focus is my marriage. And so that's what Marriage Mondays is. Do you want to speak into that a little bit more or no? [00:28:09] Speaker A: I think that's pretty much it. But, you know, I'm on the receiving end of Marriage Mondays most of the time. But, you know, I also like set aside time because I work on Mondays. [00:28:18] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:28:18] Speaker A: It'll be the night Time. [00:28:20] Speaker B: The night time when she. When she comes home. [00:28:21] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. You know, we have, obviously, time for the kids. Always. Always time for the kids. But we have that specific time with each other. And I know it feels like it sounds like we're spending a lot of time together, which we do. [00:28:35] Speaker B: Yeah, we do. But when you think. When you look at it from the outlook, it's. It's, It's. It's in. It's needed. Because I'm also seeing a lot of people, you know, See. Same with you. [00:28:45] Speaker A: That's right. That's right. So it may sound like, oh, wow, you guys are doing all these things. I'm like, yeah, because it's important. If not, we're just gonna be roommates. We're just eating, sleeping together. [00:28:56] Speaker B: You know, you spend more time with your workmates than you do at home, so you gotta be very intentional with your marriage and spending time with your spouse. [00:29:06] Speaker A: So these moments are so important. They are very foundational to our relationship. [00:29:12] Speaker B: So we speak life to one another. We plan our dates, whether it's family date, fun date, fact date. We make sure we have our Sabbath, we make sure we have our rest. We do our marriage Mondays. But then that ties in to love tank. [00:29:29] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:29:31] Speaker B: So as I mentioned before, because of the type of work that I do, I'm seeing a lot of people throughout the week. Vanya is the first person I see. But at the same time, while that's happening, I'm filling up Vanya's love tank so that she's actually able to release me to do what I need to do and vice versa. [00:29:50] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really good. [00:29:52] Speaker B: Yeah. Do you want to speak into that? [00:29:54] Speaker A: Yeah. Because the love tank is. We learned it from our mentors, the love tank. And I never heard of. I never knew that until, you know, your first year of mentorship. And I was like, wow. Wow. You never realized. Wow. Oh, it was. [00:30:22] Speaker B: Wow. Wow, wow, wow. [00:30:26] Speaker A: Anyways, Ka chow. Ka chow. [00:30:30] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I know. I'm just thinking about Ola Wilson in Shanghai Noon or Shanghai Nights with Jackie Chan. [00:30:37] Speaker A: Was he there? [00:30:39] Speaker B: Anyways. Anyways. Go ahead. [00:30:45] Speaker A: So when we first heard about it, like, whoa, that sounds very. [00:30:48] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:30:49] Speaker A: Different. [00:30:49] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:30:50] Speaker A: And then you realize how important it is. And that's really just, you know, giving life to each other. [00:30:55] Speaker B: Giving life and being intentional. [00:30:58] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:58] Speaker B: In spending time with one another, because. Yeah. Because again, the type of stuff that we do. Including yourself. [00:31:08] Speaker A: Because it's not just that. It's just really, before you do anything else, you show that Your first priority is your spouse and then your kids. [00:31:15] Speaker B: That's right. [00:31:16] Speaker A: You're God. You know, obviously, you have your first time. You have your prayer time, you have that core quiet time with the Lord, and then you spend time with your spouse, and then you spend time with your kids, and then in your workplace. These are your foundations. [00:31:33] Speaker B: And just having that love tank as well, because the love tank is filled, you're able to release as well, because you're not. You don't feel neglected or abandoned. You had your fix, like you were the first priority. Does that make sense? [00:31:49] Speaker A: And that's not to just feed the person's ego. [00:31:53] Speaker B: No, no, no. [00:31:54] Speaker A: Nothing like that. It's really to just affirm each other. Again, not to feed each other's ego or anything. Or not to say that they're more important, which. In which sense they are. It's just really setting the order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is it. This is it. [00:32:13] Speaker B: This is it. And we encourage other people to do the same. [00:32:15] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:32:17] Speaker B: I'm not your priority, my guy. Your is. [00:32:22] Speaker A: What's the third one? [00:32:23] Speaker B: The third one is understanding that we are teammates. So disagreements are always going to happen in relationships, in every dynamic. Disagreements, disagreements, misunderstanding, passionate conversations, fights. So we don't actually call it fights. We call it passionate conversations. Because we are. Because we are having a conversation, and we're very passionate about it. Especially. Especially. Especially. [00:32:58] Speaker A: You put it in. [00:33:00] Speaker B: I haven't said anything. I'm just saying. Especially. And we're very passionate where we stand when we're having these conversations. And. And that's okay. Fight. Fights are always going to happen. There's always going to be disagreements. But I want you guys to understand that. But that you guys are teammates, okay? We are teammates. Okay. It's not about winning an argument. It's about winning together. [00:33:31] Speaker A: It's not about criticizing the other person and making them realize that, you know, you're wrong, but I'm right. It's not about that. In fights. It can happen a lot. It happened a lot with us, you know, and at the start. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, it was really hard because, you know, when we first married, it was. It was really tricky. We were two different people. [00:33:56] Speaker B: Yeah. Like in first episode, we mentioned two different dynamics coming from different dynamics, different households. [00:34:01] Speaker A: So weird. [00:34:01] Speaker B: Different worldviews, all that stuff. And then we're colliding. That. [00:34:05] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:06] Speaker B: And there's always gonna. Of course there's gonna be disagreements, but it's like humbling yourself, putting on Christ. [00:34:15] Speaker A: Yeah, okay. [00:34:17] Speaker B: And it's like. Okay. What's. What, what is. It's not. Again, it's not about winning an argument. It's about winning together. [00:34:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:26] Speaker B: What's the solution here? [00:34:28] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:34:29] Speaker B: How can we fix this? [00:34:30] Speaker A: When you're in that moment though, it's so easy to fall into that trap of like, okay, anger. And as I can, you prove the point. And like, you did this. That's why I'm like this. Or you said this. That's why I'm like this. And like. Which is in a sense valid. But when the, the emotions are really high, it's so hard to. [00:34:50] Speaker B: It is hard. [00:34:51] Speaker A: Compose yourself because then you're coming from a place of hurt or fear and all these other things. A lot of fights. Yeah. Come from misunderstanding and a lot of them can be fueled by past trauma, past like conversations or past things that happened. [00:35:08] Speaker B: Yeah. So when that's got nothing to do with the person. [00:35:11] Speaker A: Yeah. It's just kind of like triggered. That's why, you know, some people is like, you're triggering, you're triggering this. So one element that's so important is to be self aware to when, when you're aware of your faults, of your weaknesses, of your traumas, you're like, that's so good. Hang on a minute. [00:35:31] Speaker B: That's so good. [00:35:31] Speaker A: I, I think I'm overreacting here. That's so, you know, so. And even if the partner, your partner tries to calm you down, say all these things, do the right things, but if you're not self aware of your own weaknesses, your trauma, all these things. [00:35:47] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:35:47] Speaker A: That your partner is going to be a bad person because you feel like, you know, you're justifying the way you feel. [00:35:52] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:35:52] Speaker A: Because I was like that. I was so. I was difficult to deal with, wasn't I? [00:35:57] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, you were, man. But you grew, you grew maturity, character, praise the Lord. And I think it's so important. Self aware. A lot of people don't have self awareness. And so guys know your faults as well. Okay. It's not just their fault. All right. It's your fault too. You both played a part in the situation. [00:36:25] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:36:26] Speaker B: Okay, so no. Carry some of that weight. Oh, yeah, that's my bad. Yes, I said that. Yes, you're right. I, I haven't been doing this. You know what I mean? Like. No, no, no. Your faults as well, guys, you know, like, because if you don't like, that's just such a prideful stance. [00:36:45] Speaker A: Yeah. And that's the same from this end too. [00:36:47] Speaker B: Yeah. If there's two prideful stance. Right. Oh, no, I'm always good. I'm always good. It's their fault. And then the other person's like, nah, I'm always good. I'm always. It's their fault. It's never gonna get fixed. You gotta put on. Christ, put on humility. Put on the jacket of humility. [00:37:03] Speaker A: Jacket of humility. [00:37:04] Speaker B: Put on the jacket of humility. [00:37:06] Speaker A: Everybody, buy a denim jacket. [00:37:08] Speaker B: Buy a denim jacket. Get yourself a nice one. Get a red hat anyways. But get. No, I was gonna say, get yourself a jacket. Put on the jacket. Put on the coat of humility. And says, yeah, you know what? Yes, I've contributed to that. [00:37:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:37:25] Speaker B: You know when you soften your tone. [00:37:27] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, tone. Tone makes a lot of difference, man. [00:37:30] Speaker B: Let me tell you something, actually, the Bible says something about that. Listen to this. Proverbs 15:1. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1. And it's so important that we just put on the coat of humility and say, you know what, babe? You're right, actually. I'm sorry about that. That's my fault, too. It's not just you. [00:38:07] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:08] Speaker B: You know what I mean? And. And when we. And they. Let me tell. When you come into a soft tone, I'll go. I go. I match it. I'm soft, too. And then I'm sure when I go soft, you go soft, and it's like, you know, not, I'm sorry. And then, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And then we end up saying I'm sorry to one another. [00:38:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:38:28] Speaker B: You know, because we're like. Because, let's be honest, we don't want to fight. [00:38:33] Speaker A: We're teammates. [00:38:34] Speaker B: We're teammates. [00:38:35] Speaker A: We're together in this. [00:38:36] Speaker B: We're together in this one. [00:38:38] Speaker A: In this. For us, it really. It just ruins my day when we're fighting and being in that situation and, you know, who pays the price? [00:38:48] Speaker B: The kids. [00:38:49] Speaker A: The kids. [00:38:50] Speaker B: The kids pay the price. Yeah. [00:38:52] Speaker A: And so that's why I say that's. [00:38:54] Speaker B: Why it's so important that the marriage is good. Because if the marriage is good, then the family is good. You know what I'm saying? But also another one. Forgive each other quickly. [00:39:03] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, yeah. [00:39:05] Speaker B: Forgive each other quickly. Don't hold on to grudges, you know, don't hold on to bitterness. I once heard early, you know, in my teenage years, oh, relationship is about compromise. And I understand some parts of that, but I would say I would Kind of challenge it. And I would say now, I think, keep working it out until both of us are in agreement. That's really good, because there's power in agreement. There's power in unity. I feel like if you're compromising, there's a little bit of part of you that doesn't really agree to the situation. And then resentment, and then. Yeah. And then as a result, resentment starts to come. [00:39:48] Speaker A: So when that topic comes down. [00:39:49] Speaker B: Because I never agreed to this to begin with. [00:39:51] Speaker A: Exactly. [00:39:52] Speaker B: I was just compromising. You know what I mean? Yeah. So it's good to actually work it out, talk it out until you agree. I agree. We both agree. And there's power in that. There's such unity in that when two parties, husband and a wife, you know, agree on something and they can move forward without holding back, without reserves or anything like that. Because there's. Because I fully agree to this. [00:40:22] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:40:22] Speaker B: I didn't compromise. [00:40:24] Speaker A: That's right. [00:40:24] Speaker B: You know what I mean? So there's no resentment. [00:40:26] Speaker A: That's right. And it's easier said than done, because when two people who have two great ideas about things or two different ideas. [00:40:35] Speaker B: Two strong wheels. [00:40:36] Speaker A: Yeah. You have this one thing. One person agrees, one person disagrees. One person has a point of view, and they're both valid. So which one. It's not like, okay, so we keep going, you know, and then that's where the passionate conversation begins, and that's where the trauma had. Like, dumb is done. Like, all these things, and like, whoa, what are we gonna do? And it's just, man, it's. It's. It takes a lot of work, but you really have to keep that mindset. [00:41:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:41:04] Speaker A: We're a team. We're team. My teammate. We're in this together. [00:41:09] Speaker B: It's not about winning a point. [00:41:11] Speaker A: What is the best solution? And for us, babe, there were a lot of things that we had to kind of navigate, like, you know, parenting, like church life, work, budgeting, so many things, because we had two different ideas about these main aspects. But one of the things that really, really solidified us and made us agree or made us reach that goal or reach that agreement is through prayer. Our relationship with God really solidified us. [00:41:47] Speaker B: And even after we have the conversations, we say our sorrys. [00:41:53] Speaker A: Yeah, of course. [00:41:55] Speaker B: We humble ourselves. We humble ourselves before God. We humble ourselves before one another, and we realize our faults. I'm sorry, babe. [00:42:05] Speaker A: And that's. [00:42:06] Speaker B: Hey, why don't we pray? [00:42:07] Speaker A: Yeah. I really think that's what it meant. The verse that we just read, the third strand because, yeah, great points, but we need one. And that one, it can only be found at the top. And that's where God is. So we both have to climb up that hill. I know it's like a very cliche example, keeping Christ the descendant, but you really need him there. [00:42:30] Speaker B: Because I hear what you say. You hear what I say, but what does God say? [00:42:35] Speaker A: Exactly. What does God say? And when God has the answer to parenting, to budgeting, to church, life, to work, he's got all the answers. [00:42:44] Speaker B: Come on. Go. Keep going. I'm. I'm hyping you up. I'm encouraging you. I'm speaking live. I'm speaking live. Go, go. [00:42:54] Speaker A: You're distracting me. [00:42:56] Speaker B: So. [00:42:57] Speaker A: You know what I mean? [00:42:57] Speaker B: Yeah, It's. [00:42:58] Speaker A: It's so important. Because if not, you know, that's where two people just go their own way. And unfortunately, this. We're marriages, relationships break down because they couldn't agree one thing, and it's not about compromise, as good as that sounds to other people. Maybe kind of dig deeper into that because you don't want to. The same time, just. What do you call it? Settle. [00:43:27] Speaker B: Yes. That's the thing. Yeah, Settle. And this. Your heart's not really in it. [00:43:33] Speaker A: You have to be like, fully deep dive deep into it. Yeah. [00:43:38] Speaker B: Yeah. So. So just a couple of pointers here. We're teammates. Understanding that we're teammates. Fights happen, disagreements happen, misunderstanding happen. But we are doing this together. [00:43:55] Speaker A: Together. [00:43:55] Speaker B: We're not trying to win an argument. We're trying to win together. [00:43:59] Speaker A: Amen. [00:43:59] Speaker B: It's not about what you say. [00:44:01] Speaker A: It's about. [00:44:01] Speaker B: Not about what I say. It's about what God says. [00:44:05] Speaker A: Amen. [00:44:05] Speaker B: Keep working until both are in agreement again. I think that's a hot take. [00:44:11] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:44:12] Speaker B: You know, because I don't like so. [00:44:14] Speaker A: Many layers to it. [00:44:14] Speaker B: Yeah. Because the whole thing, marriage or relationship, about compromise, again, I feel like when I've done that in my life, there's still a bit I don't really agree to that. You know what I mean? So there's that resentment. Don't. This one. Don't be angry and do not be angry and do not sin. Oh, sorry. Be angry and do not sin. Do not let your son go down in anger. That's in Ephesians 4. 26, and that talks about, you know, not holding a grudge. [00:44:48] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah. [00:44:48] Speaker B: Okay. Not holding a grudge, but at the same time, in your anger, don't commit a sin. [00:44:54] Speaker A: Absolutely. [00:44:54] Speaker B: You know, I see a lot of people in their anger, in their hurt, go out and do stupid Things. They might go cheat on someone because they were hurt. [00:45:04] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:04] Speaker B: You know what I mean? Don't be angry, but don't sin. [00:45:07] Speaker A: Yeah. That's the emotional. [00:45:09] Speaker B: Yeah, it's okay to feel the anger. It's okay to feel hurt. We have feelings, guys. But don't let that be an excuse to do a stupid. To do a stupid thing. In other words, don't make a permanent decision based on a temporary emotion. [00:45:26] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:45:26] Speaker B: Okay. Is that cool? [00:45:28] Speaker A: That's good. [00:45:28] Speaker B: Another one. Forgive each other quickly. Colossians chapter three. Thirteen. Forgiving each other. As the Lord has forgiven you, you also must forgive. And then lastly, just put on Christ. Yeah, put on Christ. [00:45:42] Speaker A: I love that. [00:45:44] Speaker B: Put on price. That's your response again. It's not what you say. Yeah, it's not what I say. [00:45:49] Speaker A: Yes. [00:45:50] Speaker B: What does God say? Put on humility. Put on the jacket of humility. Take away. Get rid of pride and put on Christ. What's the. What is the Christ response to this situation? [00:46:03] Speaker A: That's right. [00:46:04] Speaker B: Go. [00:46:05] Speaker A: And, you know, to sum everything up, and I love that God's given us this verse for our wedding. Yeah, yeah. Is Colossians 3:14. And above all these, put on love. [00:46:18] Speaker B: Above all of these. [00:46:19] Speaker A: Everything together in perfect harmony. [00:46:22] Speaker B: Above all of these, put on love. [00:46:25] Speaker A: Put on love. That's right. [00:46:27] Speaker B: What is the loving thing to do in this situation? [00:46:32] Speaker A: Christian Ethics 101. [00:46:34] Speaker B: Christian Ethics 101. And so, you know, for us, I think those are the three main things that I feel like we live through. We have. [00:46:43] Speaker A: We're still using to this very day. [00:46:45] Speaker B: To this day. [00:46:45] Speaker A: It's proven that, you know, we're still here. [00:46:48] Speaker B: Yeah. And there's many more guys. There is many more we can do. Top five, top ten. But for us, speaking life to one another is so important. Encouraging one another, cheering each other on. You know, my wife is my biggest cheerleader. And then my kids, you know, and same with me. I am my wife's biggest cheerleader. [00:47:09] Speaker A: You don't want anyone else doing that. It's got to be your spouse. Has to be your spouse. No one else in the world but your spouse. [00:47:19] Speaker B: That's a title just for your spouse. Secondly, plan your dates. [00:47:24] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:47:24] Speaker B: Plan your annual leaves. Plan your Sabbath. Plan your. Your marriage Mondays or marriage Tuesday, whatever. Plan your family date. Plan your fact date. Plan your fun date. Okay. And be intentional on those things. And then thirdly, we are teammates. It's not about winning an argument. It's about winning together. It's not about what you say. It's not about what I say. It's about what God says. It's about putting on love. [00:47:51] Speaker A: That's right. [00:47:51] Speaker B: Which binds all things together in perfect harmony. And so that for us sums up, kind of sums up what it means for us on how to live in a three strand cord with Jesus at the center. With God at the center. And we mentioned this in episode one, you know, God can only be in the center of our marriage if God is in the center of our lives individually. [00:48:15] Speaker A: Yeah, absolutely. [00:48:16] Speaker B: And so with that said, I actually want to invite you guys, if you haven't got a relationship with Jesus Christ, I want to invite you to receive him as your Lord and Savior. You know, Romans 5:8 says this, that God demonstrated His love for us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. God loves you. He loves you so much. He loves you unconditionally. He loves you so great, and he loves you forever. This type of love is everlasting. And I just want to encourage you, if you want to receive Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, all you got to do is believe that Jesus is Lord and he rose from the dead and that he is the Son of God and you will receive salvation. And I just want to share a scripture with you, John 3:16. And it says this. For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life. So all you got to do is believe and you will receive. Why don't we pray? Dear Heavenly Father, we thank you Lord for this episode, this discussion. Lord God and Lord, I just pray for those couples who are listening, even the singles, Lord God, the young adults, whoever is listening to this pod, Father, I pray that you will just bless them, Lord God and Lord, I just pray for those who may not have a relationship with you. And they said yes to you. Father, won't you just touch them right now? Meet them where they're at, Lord God, want you just touch their heart, Lord God, and just encounter them in a fresh way. Lord, we thank youk for your unconditional, great and everlasting love, Lord God and Father, I just pray that yout just pour that out on those people, Lord, who are listening right now. We thank youk. Bless them. Bless this pod. Bless this marriage and bless their marriages. Lord God, we thank youk so much for this pod. We thank youk so much for this episode in Jesus name. Amen. Love you guys. Thank you so much. God bless.