Episode Transcript
[00:00:03] Speaker A: Yeah. I say come to you, First Love.
[00:00:08] Speaker B: How's it going?
[00:00:10] Speaker A: Here we go again.
[00:00:11] Speaker B: Here we go again.
Episode two.
[00:00:14] Speaker A: Episode two.
[00:00:15] Speaker B: Episode two. Hey, guys, thank you so much for tuning in. My name is Levi and I'm Vanya. Welcome to First Love podcast. Hey, come on.
Yeah. Episode two.
But I think before we do episode two, we're already doing episode two as people are listening.
[00:00:36] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:00:36] Speaker B: But let's do a recap of episode.
[00:00:39] Speaker A: Thank you so much.
[00:00:40] Speaker B: Thank you so much for tuning in.
[00:00:42] Speaker A: Thank you for wonderful feedback.
[00:00:45] Speaker B: Yes. Thank you for the feedback.
A special shout out to Renee.
Thank you for letting us know what song that was.
[00:00:53] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:00:54] Speaker B: We actually heard it as soon as we saw the comment. Emmanuel. Emmanuel, God with us.
[00:01:01] Speaker A: And we. We listened to it and there were a little bit.
[00:01:04] Speaker B: Yeah. We went back and we heard the song and we just reflected and, you know, it was just so good to just go back to that moment and hey, like, remember why we're doing this.
[00:01:22] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: You know what I mean?
So. Yeah. What's the recap for episode one? So what happened? Episode one? We were on a journey.
[00:01:29] Speaker A: It was a journey.
[00:01:33] Speaker B: We were on the journey.
[00:01:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:36] Speaker A: It was a journey.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: That's it.
[00:01:39] Speaker A: That's all I remember.
[00:01:41] Speaker B: By the way, I'm not wearing the mic today.
I got the spatula happening.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: Good on you.
[00:01:47] Speaker B: Yeah. What do you reckon?
[00:01:48] Speaker A: I don't know how to feel about it.
Give us your comments.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: What do you think about the spatula, guys?
[00:01:53] Speaker A: The spatula? Can it or keep it?
[00:01:57] Speaker B: I like the spatula.
[00:01:59] Speaker A: I don't know.
[00:01:59] Speaker B: I like the spatula. Hey, you look so pretty, girl.
[00:02:03] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:02:04] Speaker B: You look so beautiful.
[00:02:05] Speaker A: Look handsome, guys, you got a new haircut.
[00:02:07] Speaker B: I did get a new haircut. That's why I'm not wearing a hat today.
[00:02:11] Speaker A: Oh, that's right. You were wearing your hat last year.
[00:02:13] Speaker B: I only wear a hat because my hair is messy, but looks great.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: I love it.
[00:02:17] Speaker B: Thanks. Thanks. Thanks. Do you guys like it? You guys like it?
[00:02:22] Speaker A: Can it or keep it?
[00:02:23] Speaker B: Can it or keep it? That's the. That's. Is that what we're saying today? Can it or keep it?
Is my mustache all right?
[00:02:30] Speaker A: Can it or keep it?
I love it. Yeah, it's getting a little bit longer.
[00:02:36] Speaker B: Do you think it's strong? It's a strong looking mustache, isn't it? Look at it, guys. Have a look. Zoom it in. Can you zoom it in?
Can you Zoom it on YouTube? I don't know. Anyways, anywho. Okay.
So we were talking about episode two.
[00:02:52] Speaker A: Yes. Today is episode two. And we're going to talk about Second chances.
[00:02:58] Speaker B: Second Chances. And. And that's actually the title for this podcast.
And it's.
[00:03:05] Speaker A: We.
[00:03:05] Speaker B: Yeah, we were talking about episode two. Yeah. And we were just sharing thoughts and all that stuff.
[00:03:15] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:17] Speaker B: And we came to this agreement.
[00:03:19] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:20] Speaker B: That we will talk about this topic that we're about to talk now.
[00:03:23] Speaker A: Second Chances.
[00:03:24] Speaker B: Second Chances.
And so this. This podcast is really about your life story, in a way. Your journey.
[00:03:32] Speaker A: My journey.
[00:03:32] Speaker B: Your journey. Your journey. And how God.
[00:03:35] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:37] Speaker B: Moved in your life and how he's just been so gracious.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:42] Speaker B: And this. The Second chances.
[00:03:44] Speaker A: The second chance is how God's given me millions of second chances. So it's just a. I guess, bouncing off with the first episode, how you shared your faith and. And your journey, and it's just feeling that I share my story as well. So I guess we can start with, you know, when I was young. Well, I grew up in a Christian home, so my parents were both Christians. And, you know, my parents were amazing, wonderful people.
[00:04:17] Speaker B: Shout out to the parrots.
[00:04:22] Speaker A: Can't let this go.
Can it or keep it.
[00:04:27] Speaker B: Can it or keep it. Okay, go, go, go. Yeah. So yella, yella. Ya.
[00:04:30] Speaker A: A lot of my parents got two brothers. Shout out to my brothers.
[00:04:34] Speaker B: Shout out to the bros.
[00:04:35] Speaker A: Ugly brothers. Nah, I'm kidding. I love you both.
[00:04:38] Speaker B: Don't say that.
[00:04:40] Speaker A: It's simply mental.
[00:04:41] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:04:42] Speaker A: Every single time. Love you, boys.
[00:04:44] Speaker B: Okay, go ahead, go ahead.
[00:04:47] Speaker A: So, yeah, no, I grew up in a Christian home. Grew up in church my whole life. But I guess you can say it's really good. Like, my parents really talked to us about the Bible, talked to us about Jesus, about God and what it means to pray, what it means to have faith in God. And so for me, that is my foundation growing up. But, you know, I still had a lot of questions.
[00:05:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:05:20] Speaker A: You know, because you experience a lot of things and you kind of have to navigate these emotions and circumstances, and you try to figure out where does God fit in, where does my fate fit in in all of this?
You know, and so because, you know, you experience bullying, you're experiencing, you know, liking someone, having these feelings and, you know, having insecurities.
And, you know, my dad was overseas for a while, so we only got to see him once a month, one month each year. So out of the 12 months each year, we only get to see him one month. In one month, like during April or May. This was.
[00:06:15] Speaker B: So that would be his annual leave.
[00:06:17] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. This was the holidays back in the Philippines.
[00:06:21] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:06:21] Speaker A: Because we grew up. I Grew up in the Philippines.
[00:06:23] Speaker B: Yeah. And then shout out to all the Filipinos.
[00:06:27] Speaker A: Shout out to Filipinos.
[00:06:29] Speaker B: We love the Filipinos. We're Filipinos, you know, and all the.
[00:06:33] Speaker A: Hard working parents out there.
[00:06:35] Speaker B: That's right.
[00:06:36] Speaker A: Sacrifice family time just to provide. So, Yep. We can't say thank you enough and we appreciate everything that you do for your families, but, you know, it comes with a cost.
Is that that gap of, you know, relationship. But I get so excited every time I see my dad, of course, me and my brothers. And I remember one time I would, just before he left, the night before, I would lock all the doors.
I remember locking all the doors of our house and said, no, dad, I'm not gonna let you go. I'm gonna lock the doors. You're saying here you leaving, but next day.
Yeah, I remember.
[00:07:21] Speaker B: It's okay. It's all right.
[00:07:24] Speaker A: So, you know, context. We had a conversation last night.
Levi said, what did you say again?
[00:07:31] Speaker B: If you need to cry, you can cry. And I said, and you went full defensive.
Not defensive.
[00:07:38] Speaker A: If I don't need to cry, I won't.
[00:07:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:07:40] Speaker A: What I'm trying to say, I'm not going to force anything, anywho.
[00:07:44] Speaker B: But all I'm saying right now. It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
[00:07:48] Speaker A: I remember one time I was sitting in my dad's lap just before I left, and mum and dad were praying and they saying, we pray for a time when this a time where we always be together that my dad doesn't. Won't have to leave again.
But I was so young to understand all these things.
[00:08:10] Speaker B: But how old were you?
[00:08:11] Speaker A: I was probably what, eight or nine.
[00:08:14] Speaker B: Yeah. So. So no. So no one in Elijah's age.
[00:08:17] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine you like, leaving, traveling overseas for 11 months, not seeing us. And back then, you know, technology was different. We didn't have, yeah, FaceTime, FaceTime or Zoom. Yeah, Zoom. Nothing like that. I was gonna say Skype. Oh, my gosh.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: Yeah, Millen.
[00:08:41] Speaker A: Anyway, so it was just all letters and phone calls. So it was. It was really hard at that time. So I could just imagine how my mom felt at the time. But yeah, in that whole time that my dad was away, my uncle was there, my grandma was help. They were helping us. And, you know, my mum was working really hard as well.
And I was going through things that I really couldn't share with my mum or my uncle or my grandma.
I just dealt with them by myself, you know, I couldn't share with my brothers.
[00:09:22] Speaker B: Was this when you were eight? Seven.
[00:09:25] Speaker A: Yeah. Like. Like I told you. Bullying. I was like. People would tease me about the way I walk, the way I talk.
They would say, I walk like a duck. And I talk very girly.
That, you know, what's wrong if you.
[00:09:41] Speaker B: Talk girly, You're a girl.
[00:09:43] Speaker A: I don't, but back then.
[00:09:44] Speaker B: Hey, by the way, I love the way you walk and talk.
Thank you. So beautiful.
[00:09:49] Speaker A: Well, it became an insecurity for me. Okay.
I was, like, very mindful of the way I carried myself.
[00:09:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:09:56] Speaker A: And then, you know, the way I smelt. Like, there was one time where.
[00:10:02] Speaker B: I love your smell.
[00:10:05] Speaker A: Well, there was one time when we were playing at lunchtime and it got really hot. And you know how the film. It was so hot, I was sweating. And there's this girl, she's like, I could smell someone. Who is it? And she started smelling everyone. And then she came up to me and said, oh, it was you. And I was so embarrassed, and I walked off and. And I pretended to fade because I was that embarrassed just so I could get out of that situation.
Man. Oh, my gosh. That was traumatizing.
[00:10:37] Speaker B: Anyway, I love your smell, though.
[00:10:39] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:10:40] Speaker B: So lift them up. Lift them up.
Let me smell your armpits right now. Maybe off camera, I'm a sniffler.
[00:10:49] Speaker A: Okay, let's cut that out.
[00:10:53] Speaker B: No, I'm just playing. I'm just playing.
[00:10:55] Speaker A: I don't think I told my mom about.
[00:10:58] Speaker B: Sorry, I'm having my own monologue here. Sorry. Go ahead.
[00:11:02] Speaker A: I don't remember ever talking to God about it at that time.
[00:11:06] Speaker B: Like, you. You just kept it to yourself. Being bullied.
[00:11:09] Speaker A: Yeah. And then I just kept going. And, you know, I would still go. Sunday school kids, church at the time.
And then high school happens.
[00:11:20] Speaker B: High school. Yeah.
[00:11:21] Speaker A: And then that's when we got to.
[00:11:22] Speaker B: It's a whole nother theme.
[00:11:24] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. High school is another dimension dynamic. Yeah. A whole new environment, a whole new world.
[00:11:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:11:35] Speaker A: And, you know, we finally got to be together. My dad took us to overseas where he was staying for a couple years before we finally moved to Melbourne. But during that time, that's when we started high school. Me and my brothers and brand new environment, no friends whatsoever in a foreign country. Like, what do you do?
[00:11:57] Speaker B: Where is this again?
[00:11:58] Speaker A: This was in the Middle east.
[00:12:01] Speaker B: So shout out to the Middle east, yo.
[00:12:06] Speaker A: Anyways, they have the most amazing chicken shawarma. Oh, yeah, Shawarma. And they have this chicken and yellow rice.
What is it called? I forgot what it's called. I think it's Afghan rice. Or I think. I don't know. But it was delicious. It was the best.
They cooked the chicken in the rice.
It was very.
[00:12:27] Speaker B: That sounds like a biryani.
[00:12:29] Speaker A: I was gonna say biryani. I think it's something like a biryani.
[00:12:31] Speaker B: Like a jollof or something.
[00:12:32] Speaker A: Yeah. It's got sultanas and that sounds like jollof, bro. It was delicious.
[00:12:39] Speaker B: Is it jollof?
[00:12:40] Speaker A: I don't know. Let us know in the comments. It was delicious.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: Let us know in the comments.
[00:12:45] Speaker A: We might go get it in the next few weeks. Craving it now.
[00:12:48] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:12:48] Speaker A: Anyways, that's that. And you know, you try to fit in and do all these things. Mind you, we're still going to church. We found a new church, obviously.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:01] Speaker A: And it was hard, you know, and to a point where you kind of allow the influences of the people around you just to, I suppose, experience things.
Because you're so new and you're so curious and plus you want to fit in. Not in a sense that you just want to copy everyone, but you just want to belong because you come from a new, like new this. You're coming to a new place.
[00:13:35] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:13:35] Speaker A: Different culture.
[00:13:36] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: Like, although we were with Filipinos, they. They're upbringing is so different to what we had.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:13:44] Speaker A: Back in the Philippines. So.
[00:13:46] Speaker B: So is this still in.
[00:13:47] Speaker A: This is in the Middle east, so.
[00:13:49] Speaker B: So you said you were experiencing things.
[00:13:53] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:54] Speaker B: You were curious, you.
[00:13:55] Speaker A: Like, that was the beginning of social media, in a sense.
And my schoolmates at the time, they had social media and work. I want to be a part of that, you know, so. Well, I. We had no access to the Internet at home.
So when we go to someone else's, my dad's friend's house, they would have Internet. I would try to log in and access and add friends and all those things.
[00:14:23] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:14:24] Speaker A: And then, you know, you just explore and you just want to be a part of something, you know, because you just want to be accepted.
Yeah. Not that you're asking for anyone's approval. We just want to belong somewhere.
[00:14:44] Speaker B: So what was some of the things that you were curious or experiencing or trying?
[00:14:50] Speaker A: Well, I was very new.
[00:14:51] Speaker B: I remember in high school, in. In. In. In Middle East.
[00:14:54] Speaker A: Yeah. This was E7 year, right?
[00:14:56] Speaker B: Yep.
[00:14:57] Speaker A: And there's cliques, you know, girl groups and all those things. And there's the popular girls and the not so popular girls. And the popular girls obviously get all the attention. They're not so popular. They just own their own thing.
And you know, at the start, because I was new, I was Just a nobody. Okay. Until.
But by the way, in the Filipino culture, if you're smart that you have, like, a good standing, you have a good footing, like, y.
They will look at you really well. They'll accept you into anything. So they.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: When they realize education is massive.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, definitely. And if you can't keep up, then you're going to be left behind.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:44] Speaker A: And you're going to get bullied or you're going to be looked down upon, which is a terrible, terrible, terrible culture that we have.
And. Because it brings people's confidence down.
[00:15:55] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:15:56] Speaker A: So they already feel.
I wouldn't say dumb, but, you know, incapable.
And then your schoolmates and your teachers think the same way and put you down even more.
[00:16:10] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:10] Speaker A: Like, where's the hope in that?
[00:16:12] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:14] Speaker A: Anyways, and then I eventually got invited to be a part of the. The girls. Cool girls and all those things. I'm like, oh, my gosh. And they started wearing makeup and all those things, and I just felt like, wow, this is really cool. It's so nice. So anything just to.
I guess we belong.
And that went on.
And then when I thought that I finally had a crew, we had to travel again. We have to move.
[00:16:48] Speaker B: So from Philippines to Middle east, and then from Middle east to Melbourne, Australia.
[00:16:56] Speaker A: And that's where I guess I've found myself really, really exploring.
[00:17:04] Speaker B: Yeah. Trying on makeup is. Is normal. It's. It's part of growing up.
[00:17:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:08] Speaker B: So there's nothing really wrong with that.
[00:17:10] Speaker A: No, of course. But, you know, we had. We gossiped and.
[00:17:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:15] Speaker A: Cat fights. Not physical, but, you know, that fight. Yeah, but there was a. There's a lot of drama, you know, girl drama. Boy drama.
Like the girl like this boy. But this boy like this other girl, and he's just. Oh, so messy.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: Were you one of the girls that liked the boys?
[00:17:37] Speaker A: Yeah, and my friend stole the guy. Oh, no.
[00:17:41] Speaker B: What a dog.
[00:17:42] Speaker A: Like this boy.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: What a dog.
What a dog.
[00:17:48] Speaker A: No, teasing me. I was just so mad. I remember walking on.
Oh, anyways, don't do that, guys.
[00:17:56] Speaker B: What a. What a dog.
Hey, but you've got me now.
[00:18:00] Speaker A: What?
Oh, yeah, later on.
[00:18:05] Speaker B: Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:18:07] Speaker A: Anyways, so, yeah, now we're here, and it's another environment that you have to fit in, so you're starting all over again. And I remember one time I told my mom, I was like, mom, I don't want to live here.
[00:18:22] Speaker B: Let's move back to Middle east or to Philippines, anywhere but here.
[00:18:28] Speaker A: Because it was just so hard, you know?
[00:18:31] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:33] Speaker A: And then I remember my mom saying, this was in the kitchen. She was like, there's nothing we can do.
We're just gonna have to deal with it kind of thing.
[00:18:40] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:40] Speaker A: She didn't stay in those exact.
[00:18:42] Speaker B: Along those kind of lines.
[00:18:44] Speaker A: I'm like, all right, fine.
But I don't remember going or going about that.
[00:18:52] Speaker B: So a lot of the stuff that you were going through, bullying, all this stuff, all the complaints, pretty much you didn't go to God about?
[00:19:06] Speaker A: No.
[00:19:07] Speaker B: Even. Even.
Even being raised in a Christian household, even knowing the fact that you can always go to God, but you didn't.
[00:19:17] Speaker A: Go to God because I didn't know that I could. We never talked about it in kids church, and we never talked about it at home.
[00:19:24] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:19:25] Speaker A: We talked about the Bible. We talked about, you know, what's in the Bible, how important praying is, how important tithing is, how important it is to pray for one another if someone is sick and all that. But when it comes to life, when.
[00:19:40] Speaker B: When it comes to issues, problems, whatever. Whatever.
[00:19:42] Speaker A: Personal things, I never thought I could go to God.
[00:19:45] Speaker B: So what. So at that time of your life when you were a young girl, what can you go to God about?
[00:19:54] Speaker A: Well, I went to God about my dad, and that's all I could remember.
Yeah.
[00:20:05] Speaker B: Okay. So you're complaining to your mom. Your mom says, yeah, okay, deal with it kind of thing. And you're like, fine.
[00:20:11] Speaker A: And so I did. I. I deal. Dealt with it my way. And I guess that made me kind of strong in a sense that I could depend on myself.
And eventually.
[00:20:26] Speaker B: I'm getting. I'm getting tired holding this spatula.
[00:20:31] Speaker A: This is why I didn't want it. He actually got me one as well. I'm like, where is it?
[00:20:35] Speaker B: It's over there. It's over there.
[00:20:36] Speaker A: You got rid of it. Good.
Anyways, I don't like it.
[00:20:39] Speaker B: Look, it's. I'm getting tired holding it anyways. I might have to do the switcheroo, but go ahead. Sorry. So sorry I stopped you there and then, you know.
[00:20:50] Speaker A: But I finally found, at the time, a youth group where I felt. Heard.
[00:20:55] Speaker B: I felt a church.
[00:20:57] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah. So it's a church. And I felt that this youth group really helped me navigate through high school.
[00:21:06] Speaker B: What year was. What year is this now? 2001, I think.
[00:21:09] Speaker A: You know, I. This was when I was in year nine. Oh.
[00:21:12] Speaker B: You know, I knew 10,000, 7,008, I think so 2007. 2008.
[00:21:18] Speaker A: It's a bit blurry.
[00:21:19] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: But.
[00:21:20] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:21:20] Speaker A: Yeah. And I found a community where I Can be. I can be myself, you know, so good. So. And I really love the people there. They're incredible people. And, you know, we had so many. So much fun and so much fun, but it doesn't take away the influence of high school people.
[00:21:39] Speaker B: High school, because you had youth group, but Monday to Friday was high school.
[00:21:45] Speaker A: Yeah, that's right. And, you know, I was still very curious. My friends invited me to parties and we'll go drinking. And I remember once. And then tried a few things as well.
I would ask. I remember asking mom if I could go out, and she didn't let me. I was so mad. And I was waiting at the bus stop and there was this lady smoking next to me.
And I'm like, can I have one, please?
And I didn't know what I was doing.
[00:22:19] Speaker B: Oh, my God.
[00:22:22] Speaker A: I thought I was trying to play cool, you know, I had no idea what to do.
[00:22:27] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[00:22:29] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh. The lady was probably, like laughing inside. But anyways, so, you know, I had all these things going on around me, but never did it cross my mind to go to God.
Like, why didn't I do that? Because I didn't know that I could.
So although I had been raised up by my beautiful family, my beautiful parents with, you know, wonderful church community, there was just that gap where I didn't think I could go to God at all for these things.
[00:23:01] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:23:01] Speaker A: So I just dealt with them by myself. And then I think the wake up call for me was when I.
I think it was when I decided to go clubbing one time in exchange in exchange for my friend coming to youth group with me.
So, yeah, I said, come to youth group. And she's like, come to. Come clubbing. And then I'll go to youth group the next week. I'm like, all right, fine.
[00:23:40] Speaker B: So how old were you here?
[00:23:42] Speaker A: 18. I was already like, okay.
[00:23:44] Speaker B: So from year seven. So from.
Because you said high school. Thousand seven, thousand eight. That was like year nine.
So they're just fast forward. Yeah, fast forward.
[00:23:56] Speaker A: You can't go to.
[00:23:57] Speaker B: This is 2010 now.
[00:23:58] Speaker A: You can't go to classes without thing. Anyway.
[00:24:00] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:24:02] Speaker A: And then we decided to do a Mac is run.
[00:24:06] Speaker B: So. So you said yes to go clubbing?
[00:24:08] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:24:08] Speaker B: Just so she can go to you.
[00:24:09] Speaker A: The following week about this. That's my fault. I didn't come to mom. I didn't ask my parents for advice. Like, I just did things by myself, which is bad. Guys, please ask for help. Okay? There's nothing wrong with asking for help.
[00:24:23] Speaker B: Correct.
[00:24:23] Speaker A: And there's no judgment as well. But me, I was an idiot. No. I was just ignorant.
And I suppose it's a part of me. Anywho. Yeah. And then we decided to do a macus run. And I decided to take her to where our youth group usually goes to. And lo and behold, while we were ordering, this whole group of people comes out, comes in, and it was there.
[00:24:46] Speaker B: You have to go.
[00:24:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Was frozen. And like, oh, so hi. Like, hi.
[00:24:53] Speaker B: Oh, no.
Why you take him to a, why you take him to a McDonald's that, that you, your youth group goes to, man?
[00:25:02] Speaker A: Look, I, I, I don't know. I don't know why I did it, but I did it. Okay? So never again.
[00:25:08] Speaker B: And everyone was that, hey, did, did some of your friends evangelized to that girl or boy? Was it a girl? Yeah. So did they evangelize to the girl, at least?
[00:25:19] Speaker A: I don't remember. I think they had a chat with her and stuff.
Friendly way. Nothing like telling us over.
[00:25:24] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:25:25] Speaker A: But anyways, from then on, it's like, you know, obviously my parents found out.
[00:25:30] Speaker B: And found out that you weren't clubbing. Yeah.
[00:25:32] Speaker A: How this whole thing. And I'm like, okay, sorry, guys. I thought I was doing the right thing, but.
And then that's when I realized, like, okay, God has to be involved in my life.
Like, I am a Christian, but I need to really go to him for these things.
And, and I counted so many things because I grew up living my life like that.
[00:26:02] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:26:02] Speaker A: So it was a, it was a big learning curve.
[00:26:07] Speaker B: But.
[00:26:09] Speaker A: It was, it was still really hard for me to let go of that control because I just grew up that way. So I've been wired to figure things out on my own.
[00:26:20] Speaker B: Yeah. Not tell anyone about it.
[00:26:22] Speaker A: Not tell anyone about it. And even if you're struggling, if I come across a struggle or a problem, if I can fix it, I'll fix it. If there's a way to fix it by myself, I'll fix it by myself.
And, you know, it was exhausting.
[00:26:37] Speaker B: How did that, where did that take you, though?
[00:26:40] Speaker A: Well, it took me to a very dark place because is I was pretending that I'm doing all the right things externally. Well, I was doing the right things externally, but deep inside, behind closed doors, there's this internal struggle.
[00:27:00] Speaker B: And you didn't go to God about it?
[00:27:02] Speaker A: Still go to God? I didn't go to anyone.
[00:27:03] Speaker B: Okay. Yeah.
[00:27:04] Speaker A: It was just me.
And so I told myself, it's my problem, I don't need to involve anyone. So I just need to Fix it.
[00:27:13] Speaker B: Right.
[00:27:14] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:27:15] Speaker B: And so where did that take you?
[00:27:18] Speaker A: It was.
It was.
It burnt me out, so I was really exhausted.
And although I had people around me, I kind of felt alone because I stopped people.
Like, I could only tell them certain.
[00:27:43] Speaker B: Things, but because you wanted to fix things yourself.
[00:27:46] Speaker A: I wanted to fix things myself, yeah.
And so it felt.
I thought I was doing all the right things, but just like that moment when we were caught out at McDonald's, it's like, oh, I should have gone to my parents.
I should have asked God.
I should have spoken to my friends at church, my youth leader at the time, about this.
So, yeah. Not because I thought I was doing the right things, but obviously that is a mindset that I really, really, really had to let go because. Mindset that you're always right. I think that's where my mindset that I'm always right comes from.
Because if I can fix it, then I can do it, but I'm not always right. I get it wrong. We all get it wrong.
And, you know, I was in this really dark place just before we got married because I was filled with shame, and I felt stuck. And my past was. My past mistakes was getting the best of me, and I was so overwhelmed.
And I really wanted to end it there because I thought, I can't fix this.
And that's when I came to God. I went to the Lord, I said, lord, I can't fix this.
I'm just gonna stop here.
I'm gonna stop trying to fix it.
So whatever happens after this, at this point, that's it. I don't know what to do next. I'm just gonna leave it up to you.
But, you know, God's grace.
I was okay the next day. Yeah, nothing serious happened. Although, you know, I did call Triple zero and I said, hey, if someone were to take this much medicine.
[00:30:10] Speaker B: So do you want to just explain what happened, actually?
What. What did you do? And.
[00:30:16] Speaker A: Well, I took. Yeah, I took pain. Like, lots of pain meds.
Just because.
[00:30:22] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:30:24] Speaker A: To.
To. With the intention of harming myself.
[00:30:28] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:30:30] Speaker A: And I didn't speak to anyone. And we were already going out at the time.
[00:30:32] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:30:33] Speaker A: I didn't tell you about that.
[00:30:34] Speaker B: Yeah, Yeah. I was so confused.
[00:30:37] Speaker A: I just disappeared.
[00:30:41] Speaker B: And this is obvious, and this is a built. Is this a built up of all the things that you were battling on your own and you realize that you can't fix it on your own, so you try to end it instead?
[00:30:58] Speaker A: Yeah, I was. I felt really low. I felt alone.
I had people, though, family. Is great. My church family in town was great. You were great.
[00:31:14] Speaker B: You didn't use it.
[00:31:15] Speaker A: But I just didn't use. Because I was so used to fixing things on my own that I don't want to rely on anyone. Like, I need to fix it. And that point, whatever it was, I just couldn't anymore. I said, lord, I can't do it. So I see.
And that was the end of me. But the next day, you know, I called and I said, what do I do? And the guy on the phone's like, is this you? I'm like, yes. So he's like, you need to go to closest hospital right now. Okay. And I did.
And yeah, that, and that was, that, that was that episode that exposed just this thing, this brokenness inside me.
[00:32:05] Speaker B: What were you battling on your own that no one knew about?
[00:32:10] Speaker A: Just shame and helplessness and that I just can't believe that I made mistakes.
And yeah, I just lived.
I wish I lived my life differently.
Yeah.
[00:32:52] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:32:52] Speaker A: I was very insecure and I had no, I felt like I had no purpose anymore and I was just going through the motions.
And.
Oh, on top of that, I got into a lot of debt, like financial debt.
And because, you know, I was feeling my life. Guys do not get into debt. It's, it's bad.
[00:33:31] Speaker B: Don't get into debt.
[00:33:34] Speaker A: Yes. Like, please use your money wisely. Yeah, and yeah, and yeah, and it was just, I was just very emotional.
I think I had a fight with my brother as well. And then I just couldn't go to anyone. Yeah. So I just felt really low and I wasn't looking after my health at the time as well.
It was just a lot of things.
It was a build up of a lot of things.
[00:34:12] Speaker B: This spatula smells kind of like onions right now.
[00:34:19] Speaker A: But. Yeah, so.
[00:34:21] Speaker B: So you tried to end or kids these days would say the word cancel.
[00:34:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
But you know, I'm still here, so.
[00:34:33] Speaker B: That'S so, yeah, so. So nothing happened, obviously.
[00:34:37] Speaker A: Nothing bad.
[00:34:39] Speaker B: Nothing. Nothing bad happened.
[00:34:41] Speaker A: Like, it may have.
[00:34:42] Speaker B: The attention was there, stuffed up. Yeah.
And so after that, what happened?
[00:34:48] Speaker A: Yeah, I, I, that's your second chance. My second. I, I did counseling.
I, I spoke to my mom, my dad, finally spoke to my friends, spoke to you, spoke to my pastor at the time. And yeah, really went on a journey of healing and exploring how I ended up in that place.
And I remember, you know, on a wedding day, it's like, God, I'm still alive today because of you.
And I'm sorry that I gave, I almost gave up at that Point.
And so I told God I'm sorry that I almost gave up at that point.
But, you know, I'm gonna rely on you. I'm gonna come to you. I'm gonna give everything to you. I'm gonna be an open book to you, Lord.
Yeah. And that's the same with you, too. But at the start of our relationship, it was hard to open up to you. And I think we struggled a little bit in that.
[00:36:10] Speaker B: Yeah, we had our struggles.
[00:36:12] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:36:12] Speaker B: Because we were both on a journey, and again, we were both broken people.
[00:36:18] Speaker A: Yeah. But particularly with me, it was you. I remember you saying that. Why are you along the lines? Why are you so cold towards me? Like, I'm not affectionate or I don't. And when we have conversations, passionate conversations, I shut down. I'm quiet because it's. Yeah. It was just really hard for me to open up. But, you know, it's a. It's a healing process. But. And I'm so much better now.
I am. And I feel that I can confidently say that I'm more open.
And, you know, for me to speak about this now, it's like, okay. God has really taken me from a dark.
Taking me out of that dark place to where I am now.
[00:37:05] Speaker B: Yeah. And, you know, I just want to say. And I. And you heard me say this last night because we were kind of talking about what. To talk about this episode.
And I just want to say I'm proud of you.
You know, you've grown so much, and.
[00:37:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:37:26] Speaker B: I'm just really so proud of you. You've.
You really took that second chance and made the most of it.
And, you know, God has just really mowed you into where you are now. And again, it's all a journey. We haven't arrived yet, but, you know, so much has changed in those last 10 years.
[00:37:52] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:37:53] Speaker B: And I'm just so proud of the woman that you're becoming.
You know, you're a great wife.
You're a great girl, You're a great mom. You're a great friend.
You know, you're one of my favorite preachers.
[00:38:09] Speaker A: Oh, thanks.
[00:38:11] Speaker B: As a matter of fact, you know, again, I was watching you preach from 10 years ago, and I recently heard you preach, obviously live a few weeks ago.
And just the difference. Chalk and cheese.
You know what I'm saying?
[00:38:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:27] Speaker B: So I'm just really so proud of you when.
[00:38:30] Speaker A: Thanks.
[00:38:31] Speaker B: Of the work that God has done in your life.
[00:38:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:34] Speaker B: And you really being a clay.
[00:38:37] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:38] Speaker B: So that he can actually mold you and, you know, really shape you and correct you, rebuke you, encourage you, all that stuff.
[00:38:50] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:38:51] Speaker B: You know, shout out to, you know, the ones who discipled us. You'll get to meet them soon. Yes. There are going to be guests one day.
[00:39:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:39:02] Speaker B: Because they really took us under their.
[00:39:04] Speaker A: So it's really important to have that close relationship, first of all, with if you're married, with your spouse, to open up about these things.
[00:39:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:16] Speaker A: And if you're single with your parents, and I know it can be difficult because people. Because you don't have that kind of relationship.
[00:39:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:27] Speaker A: But find someone who you can speak to, a spiritual friend or a close friend that you can trust who can give you a really good solid advice about these things. So seek counseling. Counseling is there to help us. And, you know, you can go to a Christian counselor or a secular counselor.
[00:39:48] Speaker B: But just to help you unpack what you're feeling.
[00:39:50] Speaker A: That's right. And you are never alone. Okay.
[00:39:53] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:39:54] Speaker A: You don't have to battle whatever it is going through here and here by yourself. You can always go to someone and hurting yourself is not the answer.
It will just make it worse. But there's always hope.
There is always, always, always life. No matter how horrible life may have been for you, there is always, always hope. Someone is always going to reach it. Someone will reach out their hand to you and help you get up. And, you know, most importantly, the Lord is watching. The Lord is there. And this entire time, my life, you know, looking back, God has been with me.
[00:40:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:40:34] Speaker A: Through and through, every moment. And I'm so grateful. This is my milky old second chance. Being here because of my mistakes and everything. But I am so grateful for the grace of God. You know, we are all here. And, you know, the Bible says love covers a multitude of sin. And whatever it is that you think.
[00:40:58] Speaker B: You'Ve done, or whatever it may be.
[00:41:00] Speaker A: Worthless or, you know, you've given up on life or everyone's given up on you.
God will never do that. God will never give up on you. He's always just a prayer away.
A simple help me. And he will answer, help me, Lord.
[00:41:15] Speaker B: Yeah.
Whatever issues, whatever financial addiction, relationship, whatever it may be, whatever, whatever it may be, God is always there.
[00:41:28] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:41:29] Speaker B: And how good is God?
[00:41:32] Speaker A: Oh, I know. It's beautiful.
[00:41:35] Speaker B: How good is the Lord?
[00:41:36] Speaker A: And I know this episode is a little bit, you know, different, a bit heavier than usual.
[00:41:45] Speaker B: What's that noise that.
You know, it was like that meme with Kim Kardashian, and she's like, they say that you're okay, but I'm not really okay. They say that I'm okay. I say that I'm okay, but I'm not really okay. And there's that music.
[00:42:01] Speaker A: I. I don't know. I don't think I've seen that meme.
[00:42:04] Speaker B: What about that?
[00:42:09] Speaker A: Oh, yeah, that's Billie Eilish.
[00:42:12] Speaker B: Huh?
[00:42:13] Speaker A: From seeing the Barbie movie.
[00:42:18] Speaker B: What's the other one? You know, the. The. The one where it's like we see the meme all the time on, like, on Instagram, and it's always like this rip, this beach on the pier and the sunset, and then there's always like a funny clip. But that music, though, I'll look it up.
[00:42:37] Speaker A: We'll look at it after. But anyways, I think if you guys.
[00:42:40] Speaker B: Know what I'm talking about, put it in the comments below.
[00:42:45] Speaker A: I think that's it.
[00:42:46] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:42:47] Speaker A: God's God story.
[00:42:48] Speaker B: God's been really good.
[00:42:49] Speaker A: God's been really good. And I am living, walking testimony of his grace.
[00:42:54] Speaker B: Yeah. Of his second chance, second chance.
[00:42:57] Speaker A: And there's always a chance with God.
[00:43:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah. And again, I say this all the time, but no matter how great your sins may be, God's love is always greater.
[00:43:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:43:12] Speaker B: God's love is always greater.
[00:43:13] Speaker A: And I guess this is a perfect invitation for anyone who wants to experience that love. Maybe you've never heard of God before, of this, you know, second chance. What is that?
And maybe you've heard of God and you kind of just stepped away.
But, you know, Jesus is.
He's beautiful and he's close, and he died for a sin that. For everything that is horrible in this life.
And in return, it says in the Bible, he has come to give us life and give it abundantly. And that abundance comes from him.
And, you know, if you want to give your life to God, give him a chance. Give him your heart, you know, do so. And Levi and I are more than happy to pray with you. So we'll just take this moment to pray.
[00:44:08] Speaker B: Okay, you pray.
[00:44:09] Speaker A: Thank you, Jesus.
Thank you, Heavenly Father. Lord, we just thank you for this moment that we have. We thank you for this privilege, that we get to talk about your grace and how beautiful forgiveness is. And, Lord, although we've lived our lives thinking that we can make it our own way, thank you that you never leave us alone or forsake us, but you are waiting for us to come to you. And so for my friends who are listening, who are deciding to give their lives to you or return to you, if they walked away and they decided to come back to you, I just thank you that you are with them. And if that's you making that decision, pray this with me. Heavenly Father, I give you my life. I'm sorry for living this life on my own.
Think that I can make it on my own.
Forgive me. And today I decide that I will follow you. I will live alongside you and hear your words.
And thank you that by the power of your Holy Spirit, I'll be transformed and I can experience life and have it abundantly. So I thank you. In the name of Jesus, I pray. Amen.
[00:45:24] Speaker B: Amen. Amen.
So good. Hey, guys, thank you so much again for tuning in for episode two. I know this episode was a little bit heavy, and we will put a disclaimer up on the captions below.
But just, babe, thank you so much for being vulnerable, you know, and just sharing your story because I know not a lot of people know about that, but, you know, just really brave of you. And I just commend you for being brave and. And sharing things that's very vulnerable in your life.
[00:46:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:46:08] Speaker B: And at the same time, I'm just so proud of you. Well, well done.
[00:46:12] Speaker A: Thank you.
[00:46:13] Speaker B: I'm so proud of you, girl.
[00:46:14] Speaker A: Yeah. And if you guys have stories that you like to share, do reach out to us.
[00:46:18] Speaker B: We'd love to hear your DM us.
[00:46:19] Speaker A: Well, you can DM us. And yeah, if, you know, if you leave message us, we'd love to catch up with you and you can share with us your story and maybe we can help you navigate the difficult, you know, parts of life.
[00:46:33] Speaker B: But that's pretty much from us.
[00:46:34] Speaker A: That's it.
[00:46:35] Speaker B: Next episode will come out soon. Episode three. Yeah, watch out for this space. But thank you so much for your support.
Subscribe Like Comment Share Love you guys. God bless.
[00:46:47] Speaker A: Bye.
[00:46:48] Speaker B: Bye. Bye.
